Lionel's place

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 00:11:00 GMT

Another embarrassment my dears, this week.

A holy man. A man of the cloth. Turns out I *completely* misunderstood the invitation to his Bishoprick.

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:18:32 GMT

My dears. I've finally got straight after my recent spell on queer street - a sentence Father Ignatius *never* thought he'd hear from my lips.

All this crunchy credit is very tedious, trade is dipping (unlike me), but am sure I'll be able to pick up a Bob or two tonight.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 20:56:33 GMT

A very dear friend has recently celebrated an important birthday - congratulations to her. I remember my 40th with enormous fondness. His name was Joshua and his cousin, Ruth (if I remember correctly), was my 41st some 30 sticky minutes later. Such a long time ago .... *wistful sigh*

Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:10:36 GMT

Darlings, it's time for your christmas treat. Uncle Lionel is back!

I've just come out of what I believe they call a two-stretch in gaol. (There were certain aspects I found slightly stretching, certainly, but I'm sure it's been very character-building. As those of you with an interest in such things will know a two-stretch is quite easily completed within the year (much like the Swiss Navy) and so daddy's home now.

I've missed out on a lot this year, not least of which is this new FaceHook thing. I have a keen interest in faces, as those of you on those japanese communities will remember, and I think this FaceHook thing provides a forum to select the next few faces for one of Ryuichi's soirees.

Anyway, what's up darlings? (I certainly am!)

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 15:27:37 GMT

In 2007, yes_lionel resolves to...

Ask my boss for a noot.
Spend less time on bacchanalia.
Learn to play the gantt.
Cut down to ten animals a day.
Give some djs to charity.
Put fifty cream horns a month into my savings account.

Tue, 19 Dec 2006 17:32:29 GMT

With apologies for my enforced silence (a ball-gag, a spell in Pentonville and a trip to Mombasa for some *ingredients*) I come before you again.

I've been very busy in the run-up to our festive season, initially with a gig as an elf in Peter Stringfellow's Santa's Grotto. Nothing, I've found, says "festive" like a leopard-spotted thong. Made some good memories there, and several influential new friends, so if anyone fancies an OBE, an MBE or a knighthood, you won't have to stump up the cash anymore.

Anyway - don't have long, Cecil is warming the swarfega, we have a couple of fine upstanding members of Her Mag's Constabulary visiting tonight - I'm not expecting to have *any* particulars left after tonight......

Ciao!

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:47:50 GMT

I've always liked a well-turned ankle, and of course, I've had many a party in the team bath after the footy, but really, nothing says football to me than a linesman. It's the power, my darlings, and the chap in the movie and I have been very close on more than one occasion. I hope I'm not giving away too many secrets when I say that my ball-control is MAGNIFICENT.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 21:53:38 GMT

How exactly *does* one get rid of sweat-rash?

Best thing about the Swiss (and the half-Swiss)? *Full* of holes, darlings!

Mon, 15 May 2006 11:42:36 GMT

I have a new large weapon of my own, so I headed to Tadley this weekend to show it to rillaith on the occasion of her birthday.

There was some sort of mix-up however, and on not locating the birthday girl I improvised, and knocked up a couple of her neighbours. Once they'd seen it, I headed across to Aldermaston. Never could resist those boys in uniform, and if anyone's interested in large weapons, it's them. My dears, they brought new meaning to the phrase 'warHead'. On my way out I briefly considered the homely-looking ladies sitting on the perimeter with their tents and flags, but recognised a few of them from Tangiers (and you'll ALL know the little local difficulty I had there).

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 21:51:42 GMT

Been away in Spain for a week or so with some lovely trainee toreadores. All those tight hose and big capes put me in mind of my childhood in Surbiton, for a while, but when they got their big pointy weapons out they certainly tamed the toro in me.

Arriba!

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 00:18:01 GMT

In the year 2006 I resolve to:

Do every single person on my friends list by the 4th of January. You'd better brace yourselves and warm the swarfega.

Get your resolution here

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 22:32:58 GMT

A new friend. Imran, I think she said her name was. Ah well, you know me, never too much with the names.

She has a lovely way with green suede, that put me in mind of the springtime, lambs frolicking, the sap rising, you know the sort of thing.

After she showed me the stamps in her passport I showed her a few places *she'd* never been before. After a slight misunderstanding over some brandy butter we're the best of friends again.

Oh, and Gillian McKeith is right on the brandy butter - goes straight to one's thighs. At least it did last night.

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 13:14:59 GMT

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

In January I bought Foo porn for paula_abroad (30 points). In February I helped mrhig with his swarfega problem (-173 points). In November I indulged rougeforever's mince pie obsession (6 points). In May I pulled erialc. (-5 points). In June on a flight to Pakistan, I stole the emergency flight information card and replaced it with myles_away's Hustler magazine (-40 points).

Overall, I've been very very naughty (-209 points). For Christmas I deserve a long hard spanking!

Sincerely,
yes_lionel

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 23:45:37 GMT

It's really not my fault.

How was I supposed to know he was an MP?

I mean, look at that lopsided grin....

He truly is what dreams are made of. I'm sure you're all with me on this one.

*Bang* go my chances of honours in the New Year list. (Quite literally, folks)

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 20:16:11 GMT

I'm not sure I should write about this, given certain people's sensitivities, but....

I'm still not sure whether to join Gary, Mark, Jason and Howard back on the reunion tour. I'm not sure the trousers fit anymore, for one thing - but I can always use the exposure.

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 22:11:39 GMT

yes_lionel's LiveJournal Slut Stats
The below percentages indicate what yes_lionel has done with the 13 people on his friends list!

met

100.0%

hugged

100.0%

dated

100.0%

kissed

100.0%

seen topless

100.0%

seen naked

100.0%

phone sexed

100.0%

made out

100.0%

oral sex

100.0%

fucked

100.0%

What are your LiveJournal Slut Stats?
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Tue, 15 Nov 2005 16:57:09 GMT

My dears, I've been in a very tight spot recently. (It's near Abbeywood Station, if you're interested).

But enough of my professional life, it struck me recently as I was tending to my marrows (there's nothing nicer than a stuffed marrow) that I've not been updating this journal recently. I know how you all depend on me as your moral guardian, so I'm very sorry.

Just to bring you up to speed quickly here's a summary of the last couple of months:

A couple of days in and around Maidenhead. Marvellous. These young 'uns are certainly enthusiastic.
Some enforced exile (following a misunderstanding with a traffic warden who tried to take down my particulars in Rupert Street) in Elba. All the nice boys love a sailor.
A few days coaching the Beavers swimming team. I think I must have read the job description wrong though. Still, I got to wear my Speedos (originally purchased 1972) in a public place despite the 2002 restraining order, so all was not lost.
Some consultancy with a strategist or two in Geneva. Nothing convention-al about that, let me tell you.

I'm now spending a few days at the bungalow of my good friend Robin Asquith. If you need me, you know where I am.

car park sign

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 08:44:14 GMT

car park sign
Originally uploaded by Yes Lionel.

I'm so thrilled i can now share my photos with you. Well, *some* of my photos, anyway.

icolionel

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 21:02:29 GMT

icolionel
Originally uploaded by Yes Lionel.

I made this new icon. Sadly I only have a free account, so I've used my limit of icons.

I'm so sad. Marcel said he'd give me a pony last week, how was I to know it was slang for something other than money?

As seen on everyone's journal

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 18:37:15 GMT

Leave a comment requesting my top five of a given category, e.g. top
five priest-related sexual activities or five favorite brands of swarfega. Then, if you
like, post the request in your own journal that your friends may
challenge you.

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 21:02:12 GMT

I was momentarily excited by these new livejournal tag things. Thinking about it though, my dears, what's the use when all your entries would be tagged "swarfega" ???

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 20:58:47 GMT

All this hot weather has put me in mind of some very happy times in the 1970s in the Basingstoke Unisex All-nite Sauna.

Of course I'm making the most of the heat and have broken out the Mazola and cling-film. Oh, and you're all invited!

Sun, 15 May 2005 20:59:18 GMT

Been to Vatican City to pay my respects to our new pontiff.

It's amazing how many people took offence to me kissing the pope's ring.

Fri, 15 Apr 2005 21:14:36 GMT

It's not remotely funny. I've not seen Vladimir and Olga in weeks, nor have they been returning my calls. I have no idea where they are, nor who their new 'playmate' is.

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 20:52:23 GMT

It wouldn't be so bad if just one of them was getting married. But both of them - and to each other...? It smacks of a certain greedy dog-in-the-manger attitude that doesn't sit well with me.

Pierre! Fetch the absinthe!!